Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Cutting People Out...
Over the last few weeks I have made a few adjustments in my life. The most important being getting rid of people in my life that I don't need anymore. I have cut my "friends" list on social media considerably. I have deleted numbers from my phone to the only the people that I communicate with on a regular basis. I am just over pretending to be interested in people that are not interested in me. I don't consider myself the type of person that connects well with others...Ok, I have a horrible time making friends with people. I just don't ever seem to have anything in common with most people. I would rather surround myself with people that I can hold a conversation with than "pretend" to discuss mundane topics. I do fine in situations where I am with like minded people, like in class-I can talk to them with no problem. I have things to discuss with them. When I have nothing to talk about is when I get bored and anxious. These two feelings go together rather well if you ask me. I get bored if I have nothing to talk about with people and then i get anxious that I have nothing to talk about. Its a cycle. I am so tired of trying to "pretend" to be the better person. I don't want to be the better person, if you don't have time for me, I don't have time for you. I know it goes both ways, but it is easier for me to just walk away from people than try to make a connection that might not even be real. I don't like being fake to people, and can't stand fake people, so please pardon me if I ignore you, what you are saying and what is going on in your life, because I don't really give two craps. I am tried of trying to care about people that take no time to ask how I am doing and what is going on in my life. I get that people are all going through their own things in life, but if we were meant to truly be in each others lives we would be. Like my mother always says; "People are in your life for a reason and a season." A lot of people's reasons and seasons have ended and I am moving on. I am tired of trying to "keep up appearances." I am moving on for the betterment of my own health and stress level. I think it's safe to say, I am not really a people person. I am very introverted and only open up to a few people. I have seen how much people have stepped away from me over the last two years and it upsets me, but it opened my eyes to the fact that they were not meant to be in my life. Cutting people out of my life has been hard to do, but cathartic at the same time. I no longer have to feel guilty because I don't call this or that person, or I don't hang out with this or that person. Dealing with anxiety, you notice that if you cancel so many times on people they just stop asking. Well, then if that is the case, once again you were not meant to be in my life, and you don't understand truly what it is like for me. I am not making excuses from being absent in people's lives I am just telling it how it is. I live in a world that is very intimidating for me and some days are harder than others, if you understand that, great. If not then you have and will be cut.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Why I do what I do...
When I decided to become a teacher I never knew that I would love it as much as I do. I had an unfortunate event where I was only able to start my career as a teacher for three years almost two years ago.I loved working with students and getting to know them. The bureaucratic "SH$$" that teachers have to deal with now is ridiculous and unfortunate to say the least. I dealt with administration that were bosses, but not LEADERS. It's kind similar to "you can be a father/mother to someone, but that doesn't make you a PARENT." As an educator who has been through the ringer and came out still wanting to be in this profession, that says a lot. I care about one thing-the STUDENTS, they are the life force behind what I do and will continue to do with my career path.
In the state I live in, the evaluation process is putting a lot of emphasis on student growth, and that makes sense, but the way the state is going about it by testing students to death. Teachers are worn out, stressed, and overworked, worried that if they are not able to show growth among their students, they move down the ladder. If you add it up, students in this state are subjected to about six weeks of state mandated testing! Think of all the instructional time lost because of this, plus add in PD, holidays, in-services that also take away from the face time you have with your students. The evaluation process in this state is a great model. Danielson has been around for sometime and has come up with a great way to evaluate teachers in several domains. It is clear cut and not subjective at all, the administrator just has to record what they see and hear during the lesson and their walk through. But there seems to be a disconnect with some schools when it comes to this model. They want to make it "specific" to their school, which in my mind leaves room for subjectivity. Why recreate the wheel, when Danielson has already done it for you. It is fine to add to the evaluation expectations as a whole as long as the teachers are aware of what the administrator is looking for as evidence. The school I was at, to this point is basically trying to recreate the wheel, making it difficult for teachers to know what to expect. When asked questions about the process, the answer depends on which administrator you talk to. It should be consistent across the board. As an educator that is working on my Specialist in Curriculum Instruction and Design, I see many problems. (But that is a whole different rant, I will save for later.)
I have thrown myself into a Specialist in Curriculum Instruction and Design/Ed.d program over the last year and half because I see a need for me to advocate in the education profession. I want to help teachers and schools have a say in what is going on in their schools, regarding curriculum and the evaluation process. The state bought into PARRC as one of its tests to show student growth. This is a hot topic in most states that adopted it last year. For me, there is no need to subject students to another test that won't even be able to show student growth for at least several years, because there are so many problems with the test itself. Politicians need to stay out of education. They purchased this test before even knowing what the test would actually be able to show. There were no benchmarks set, so how can you show growth, when there is no goal for the student to reach? Do you see the frustration that comes with teaching? I know it is different for everyone that teaches, and varies from state to state, but I think we have lost the purpose of teaching. It is not to teach to a test, or just to prepare students for college. Not everyone is or will go to college for one reason or another. A test does not mean that as a teacher you have failed because your student did not score high enough. The test does not show that your student that came to you in August and had no interest in learning about the government and was failing your class by the first quarter, turned around and raised their test score to a C from a D. Those tests do not show that the student that has confidence issues, is now full of confidence because you told them they could do it. It boils down to the fact that these tests but all the accountability on the teachers and forces them to remove the most vital part of their job-getting to know their students and their strengths. If you are more focused on teaching to a test and you are worried about cramming information into their heads, you are missing out on the best part of teaching. I love getting to know what my students lives are like, I love seeing them outside of school, I love getting to know what they are passionate about. That is what drives me to continue to educating myself to better meet the needs of my future students and co-workers.
I did not get into this profession for money or the summers off, since you never really stop working even through the summer. I got into this profession because I am passionate about it and know that I can make a difference. I keep in contact with several of my former students through social media, and it is always nice to see how they are doing as they get older. Just last night I had one student, from my first year of teaching, send me a message thanking me for always believing in him. That is why I do what I do.
Be kind.
In the state I live in, the evaluation process is putting a lot of emphasis on student growth, and that makes sense, but the way the state is going about it by testing students to death. Teachers are worn out, stressed, and overworked, worried that if they are not able to show growth among their students, they move down the ladder. If you add it up, students in this state are subjected to about six weeks of state mandated testing! Think of all the instructional time lost because of this, plus add in PD, holidays, in-services that also take away from the face time you have with your students. The evaluation process in this state is a great model. Danielson has been around for sometime and has come up with a great way to evaluate teachers in several domains. It is clear cut and not subjective at all, the administrator just has to record what they see and hear during the lesson and their walk through. But there seems to be a disconnect with some schools when it comes to this model. They want to make it "specific" to their school, which in my mind leaves room for subjectivity. Why recreate the wheel, when Danielson has already done it for you. It is fine to add to the evaluation expectations as a whole as long as the teachers are aware of what the administrator is looking for as evidence. The school I was at, to this point is basically trying to recreate the wheel, making it difficult for teachers to know what to expect. When asked questions about the process, the answer depends on which administrator you talk to. It should be consistent across the board. As an educator that is working on my Specialist in Curriculum Instruction and Design, I see many problems. (But that is a whole different rant, I will save for later.)
I have thrown myself into a Specialist in Curriculum Instruction and Design/Ed.d program over the last year and half because I see a need for me to advocate in the education profession. I want to help teachers and schools have a say in what is going on in their schools, regarding curriculum and the evaluation process. The state bought into PARRC as one of its tests to show student growth. This is a hot topic in most states that adopted it last year. For me, there is no need to subject students to another test that won't even be able to show student growth for at least several years, because there are so many problems with the test itself. Politicians need to stay out of education. They purchased this test before even knowing what the test would actually be able to show. There were no benchmarks set, so how can you show growth, when there is no goal for the student to reach? Do you see the frustration that comes with teaching? I know it is different for everyone that teaches, and varies from state to state, but I think we have lost the purpose of teaching. It is not to teach to a test, or just to prepare students for college. Not everyone is or will go to college for one reason or another. A test does not mean that as a teacher you have failed because your student did not score high enough. The test does not show that your student that came to you in August and had no interest in learning about the government and was failing your class by the first quarter, turned around and raised their test score to a C from a D. Those tests do not show that the student that has confidence issues, is now full of confidence because you told them they could do it. It boils down to the fact that these tests but all the accountability on the teachers and forces them to remove the most vital part of their job-getting to know their students and their strengths. If you are more focused on teaching to a test and you are worried about cramming information into their heads, you are missing out on the best part of teaching. I love getting to know what my students lives are like, I love seeing them outside of school, I love getting to know what they are passionate about. That is what drives me to continue to educating myself to better meet the needs of my future students and co-workers.
I did not get into this profession for money or the summers off, since you never really stop working even through the summer. I got into this profession because I am passionate about it and know that I can make a difference. I keep in contact with several of my former students through social media, and it is always nice to see how they are doing as they get older. Just last night I had one student, from my first year of teaching, send me a message thanking me for always believing in him. That is why I do what I do.
Be kind.
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