Cutting People Out...

Over the last few weeks I have made a few adjustments in my life. The most important being getting rid of people in my life that I don't need anymore. I have cut my "friends" list on social media considerably. I have deleted numbers from my phone to the only the people that I communicate with on a regular basis.  I am just over pretending to be interested in people that are not interested in me. I don't consider myself the type of person that connects well with others...Ok, I have a horrible time making friends with people. I just don't ever seem to have anything in common with most people. I would rather surround myself with people that I can hold a conversation with than "pretend" to discuss mundane topics. I do fine in situations where I am with like minded people, like in class-I can talk to them with no problem. I have things to discuss with them. When I have nothing to talk about is when I get bored and anxious. These two feelings go together rather well if you ask me. I get bored if I have nothing to talk about with people and then i get anxious that I have nothing to talk about. Its a cycle. I am so tired of trying to "pretend" to be the better person. I don't want to be the better person, if you don't have time for me, I don't have time for you. I know it goes both ways, but it is easier for me to just walk away from people than try to make a connection that might not even be real. I don't like being fake to people, and can't stand fake people, so please pardon me if I ignore you, what you are saying and what is going on in your life, because I don't really give two craps. I am tried of trying to care about people that take no time to ask how I am doing and what is going on in my life. I get that people are all going through their own things in life, but if we were meant to truly be in each others lives we would be. Like my mother always says; "People are in your life for a reason and a season." A lot of people's reasons and seasons have ended and I am moving on. I am tired of trying to "keep up appearances." I am moving on for the betterment of my own health and stress level. I think it's safe to say, I am not really a people person. I am very introverted and only open up to a few people. I have seen how much people have stepped away from me over the last two years and it upsets me, but it opened my eyes to the fact that they were not meant to be in my life. Cutting people out of my life has been hard to do, but cathartic at the same time. I no longer have to feel guilty because I don't call this or that person, or I don't hang out with this or that person. Dealing with anxiety, you notice that if you cancel so many times on people they just stop asking. Well, then if that is the case, once again you were not meant to be in my life, and you don't understand truly what it is like for me. I am not making excuses from being absent in people's lives I am just telling it how it is. I live in a world that is very intimidating for me and some days are harder than others, if you understand that, great. If not then you have and will be cut.