On my drive over the weekend I started to think about what it is my definition of a feminist and why do I call myself on. So many people have different reason for calling themselves a feminist, and I am not going to discredit anyone's opinion of the definition. How one person views the world is not going to be the same that another views it. (We are humans, we disagree on things by nature.)
I cover my hair exclusively when I leave the house. It is something that I have done for almost a year this coming October. This was a choice that I made for myself. Many religious text discuss head covering and modesty for women as a way to honor their higher power and respect for themselves. This is not an issue over covering up as to not distract men's attention to you, it is about honoring the higher power you observe as the QUEEN you are. As a woman, you are not a distraction, but our society likes to make women in general feel as though they are a distraction for men. Not going to lie, I think a man would be just as distracted by a woman that is completely covered as he would be by a woman that is standing naked. (Just a varying degree of distraction, but you get the point.)
Alright, so back to my point...sorry I ramble sometimes. So feminism for me. Being a feminist means CHOICE. As a woman I have the choice to cover my hair for any reason I choose. It is not oppressive for a woman to choose to cover to follow the tenants of their faith, it is a powerful statement, saying I have the freedom to choose my religious path and practices. There are very traditional woman of many religions that choose not to cover, if that is something that their religion discusses as a follower of the faith. What is oppressive is when a woman looses that choice. When a woman is forced to cover no matter what, when fear overtakes them because they are unsure of what could happen if they do not. The power, the choice to cover for religious, health, fashion or any reason (and this goes for modest dressing as well,) is feminism to me.
The choice to choose whether I want to be educated. I have chosen to continue my education FOREVER, it seems. I have that choice. I had the option of doing what I wanted when I was finished with high school. It is up to me to decide what I do with my professional/academic career. That is a power/choice I have as a woman. That is feminism to me.
I do not need the Senate and the House deciding how things should be handled in my uterus. It's my uterus, and I'd like to keep that business between me and my doctor, thanks. Please do not tell me that there is no such thing as "legitimate rape," and that if it was really "rape" then a woman's body has a way of "preventing an unwanted pregnancy." Again, you are a man, you don't have a uterus, and you don't have the right to decide what is and isn't rape. If a woman says NO at any point in a sexual encounter and the person doesn't stop, Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's rape. Preventing a woman from having an abortion due to rape or incest, is again a man choosing how things should be handled in my uterus. You don't get to choose if a woman carries the child of her rapist. That choice is hers and hers alone. The choice to end a pregnancy for risk to the mother for medical reasons, pregnancy due to rape or incest, that is a choice that women should have access too and they should be not scared into thinking they do not have that choice. Having the choice to choose what happens with my reproductive rights is feminism to me.
I could go on and on about what else feminism means to me. But it boils down to CHOICE. Feminism is choice for me.
Be kind. (I am a little sleep deprived so-if this doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance.)
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
It costs a lot to be a woman...
Alright...I love being a woman. I love the contrast between hard and soft that we as woman have the ability to be at any given time. We are the carriers of life, we nurture, love, hope and love even more when nothing else will do. We are often called the "weaker" of the two sexes...but I beg to differ.
The stories my mother speaks to me about the trails the women in our family went through, they strength they HAD to have to stay alive, and the fact that I am here today proves to me that women are indeed NOT the "weaker" of the two sexes. But let's get real here for a moment...it is hard sometimes being a woman, isn't it?
I was watching a commercial for a razor blade, you know the one where the cute blonde wakes up to a text from her boyfriend, saying, "on my way, bringing mom with me!" Of course she looks like she spent a long night out partying at the bars, her place is a mess and yes, let us not forget, her legs are HAIRY! EEKKK!!! As this cute little blonde runs around cleaning, the razor is a lifesaver, because all you have to do is run it under the water once and then you can "shave on the go." Really? Who does that? Ok, so back to this commercial, she is running around stretching her legs to push things under the bed, in the dishwasher, all while shaving her legs!!! Yes, ladies, you CAN do housework and have silky smooth legs at the same time! YEAH! Just in time the doorbell rings, she was able to put on an adorable SHORT skirt and is ready to meet mom. Now come on...just show me the razor. I don't need the back story as to why she HAS to shave her legs. And again, let's get real here, why did the advertisers decide that the young woman had to be wearing a short little dress when meeting mom? Oh, no wait, it was to show off the fact that she could clean the apartment and shave at the same time; which makes her perfect marriage material...is that right? Moving on.
I am 34 years old, and guess what I love every single WRINKLE on my face! No really, I do. The laugh lines, those things they call "crows feet" (I don't get it, but whatever.) the lines in my forehead, you pick the wrinkle I love it. Why? Well, the laugh lines, that to me says "you have laughed long and hard at things and people that you love and cherish in your life and you are proud of them." Those bird feet thingys- they say to me- "I read and squinted enough to get those (hold on counting mentally in my head, ok) 2 degrees, teaching certificate, an endorsement and soon to be a Specialist Degree and then my Doctorate." I worked hard for those feet, I show them proudly! Those lines in my forehead- those are good ones, "I have thought long and hard about decisions that will impact my life for the better and I know that the sacrifice will be worth it in the end." I don't buy anti-aging anything. I see a wrinkle I say hello, welcome to the wonderful world I call my face and my life, enjoy. Why is it that there are all these commercials for products for women to "prevent those fine lines of aging..." and other irritating lines; but I have yet to see one damn product for the aging male and his wrinkled up face. Why is it that as a man gets older he becomes "distinguished," but a woman must strive to be "young" for as long as possible? Anyone see a problem with this mentality. What are we saying to our young women?
Let's talk about something that a lot of people don't like to talk about...it's personal and in many cultures taboo. Young women will miss long periods of schooling due to the fact that they have their period. They are disadvantaged, because of something that is a natural part of a woman's life cycle. Now here, in this lovely country, something thought it would be great to put a tax on tampons ...why? It's not harsh enough that we are in pain and for lack of better terms leaking for up to seven days for a good 20-30 years, you have to go and place a special tax on these items. And you know it was NOT a woman that came up with that tax, it was a man. There is also something else that is a little touching in the reproductive area that makes it hard to be a woman, the cost of birth control. Now I know that many religions and cultures do not believe that any type of birth control should be used, and that is fine. But there are millions of women that do choose to use birth control and in some cases, their employers' insurance company won't cover the cost of it? But yet the insurance will cover the "little blue pill" for mister fancy pants. On what planet does that make sense. You will not help a women to prevent pregnancy in a mature fashion, because she may not be ready to have children yet, or doesn't want children at all, but you will allow a man to partake in sexual activity for multiple hours...um, for me that logic is a little flawed. Oh and I won't even talk about Roe v. Wade...when it comes to my uterus, if you are male, please stop making legislation telling me what I can and can't do with it. Thanks.
And lastly, hair. This one is near and dear to me. I have been covering my hair with my beautiful tichels for almost a year now, and I have never felt more power and beauty within myself, being my true authentic self. I have curly, I mean curly hair...and I love it so much, but I was identified as the "girl with the curly hair." Once I started covering, I noticed that people paid more attention to want was coming out of my mouth than my physical appearance. Don't get me wrong, people comment on the tichels and notice them just as much as my hair, but they are not as fixated on the covering as they would be if my hair was down. Woman in this country and all over the world spend millions of dollars on hair care products, because our society likes to bombard us with advertisements that say, "if you want to be beautiful and catch the eye of the handsome man, your hair has to be a certain way." Beckoning back to the self images we are projecting onto young woman and how they are impacted negatively with ads like these. It is a personal choice to cover ones hair, as it is to conform to society. But you have to live with your choices, so choose wisely.
So, how much does it really cost to be a woman? To be honest with you I have no idea. For me it is priceless, because I have found my authentic self and know who I am as a person. I am not someone who conforms or is compartmentalized into any set little box. Never have been, never will be. I am a woman that is constantly evolving into a better version of myself everyday. So, the cost for me to be a woman can not be counted in a dollar amount. I hope you too will see that your self worth is more than what society says you should be or do to be a woman. Be you and be kind to yourself if you don't fit the "mold."
Be Kind.
The stories my mother speaks to me about the trails the women in our family went through, they strength they HAD to have to stay alive, and the fact that I am here today proves to me that women are indeed NOT the "weaker" of the two sexes. But let's get real here for a moment...it is hard sometimes being a woman, isn't it?
I was watching a commercial for a razor blade, you know the one where the cute blonde wakes up to a text from her boyfriend, saying, "on my way, bringing mom with me!" Of course she looks like she spent a long night out partying at the bars, her place is a mess and yes, let us not forget, her legs are HAIRY! EEKKK!!! As this cute little blonde runs around cleaning, the razor is a lifesaver, because all you have to do is run it under the water once and then you can "shave on the go." Really? Who does that? Ok, so back to this commercial, she is running around stretching her legs to push things under the bed, in the dishwasher, all while shaving her legs!!! Yes, ladies, you CAN do housework and have silky smooth legs at the same time! YEAH! Just in time the doorbell rings, she was able to put on an adorable SHORT skirt and is ready to meet mom. Now come on...just show me the razor. I don't need the back story as to why she HAS to shave her legs. And again, let's get real here, why did the advertisers decide that the young woman had to be wearing a short little dress when meeting mom? Oh, no wait, it was to show off the fact that she could clean the apartment and shave at the same time; which makes her perfect marriage material...is that right? Moving on.
I am 34 years old, and guess what I love every single WRINKLE on my face! No really, I do. The laugh lines, those things they call "crows feet" (I don't get it, but whatever.) the lines in my forehead, you pick the wrinkle I love it. Why? Well, the laugh lines, that to me says "you have laughed long and hard at things and people that you love and cherish in your life and you are proud of them." Those bird feet thingys- they say to me- "I read and squinted enough to get those (hold on counting mentally in my head, ok) 2 degrees, teaching certificate, an endorsement and soon to be a Specialist Degree and then my Doctorate." I worked hard for those feet, I show them proudly! Those lines in my forehead- those are good ones, "I have thought long and hard about decisions that will impact my life for the better and I know that the sacrifice will be worth it in the end." I don't buy anti-aging anything. I see a wrinkle I say hello, welcome to the wonderful world I call my face and my life, enjoy. Why is it that there are all these commercials for products for women to "prevent those fine lines of aging..." and other irritating lines; but I have yet to see one damn product for the aging male and his wrinkled up face. Why is it that as a man gets older he becomes "distinguished," but a woman must strive to be "young" for as long as possible? Anyone see a problem with this mentality. What are we saying to our young women?
Let's talk about something that a lot of people don't like to talk about...it's personal and in many cultures taboo. Young women will miss long periods of schooling due to the fact that they have their period. They are disadvantaged, because of something that is a natural part of a woman's life cycle. Now here, in this lovely country, something thought it would be great to put a tax on tampons ...why? It's not harsh enough that we are in pain and for lack of better terms leaking for up to seven days for a good 20-30 years, you have to go and place a special tax on these items. And you know it was NOT a woman that came up with that tax, it was a man. There is also something else that is a little touching in the reproductive area that makes it hard to be a woman, the cost of birth control. Now I know that many religions and cultures do not believe that any type of birth control should be used, and that is fine. But there are millions of women that do choose to use birth control and in some cases, their employers' insurance company won't cover the cost of it? But yet the insurance will cover the "little blue pill" for mister fancy pants. On what planet does that make sense. You will not help a women to prevent pregnancy in a mature fashion, because she may not be ready to have children yet, or doesn't want children at all, but you will allow a man to partake in sexual activity for multiple hours...um, for me that logic is a little flawed. Oh and I won't even talk about Roe v. Wade...when it comes to my uterus, if you are male, please stop making legislation telling me what I can and can't do with it. Thanks.
And lastly, hair. This one is near and dear to me. I have been covering my hair with my beautiful tichels for almost a year now, and I have never felt more power and beauty within myself, being my true authentic self. I have curly, I mean curly hair...and I love it so much, but I was identified as the "girl with the curly hair." Once I started covering, I noticed that people paid more attention to want was coming out of my mouth than my physical appearance. Don't get me wrong, people comment on the tichels and notice them just as much as my hair, but they are not as fixated on the covering as they would be if my hair was down. Woman in this country and all over the world spend millions of dollars on hair care products, because our society likes to bombard us with advertisements that say, "if you want to be beautiful and catch the eye of the handsome man, your hair has to be a certain way." Beckoning back to the self images we are projecting onto young woman and how they are impacted negatively with ads like these. It is a personal choice to cover ones hair, as it is to conform to society. But you have to live with your choices, so choose wisely.
So, how much does it really cost to be a woman? To be honest with you I have no idea. For me it is priceless, because I have found my authentic self and know who I am as a person. I am not someone who conforms or is compartmentalized into any set little box. Never have been, never will be. I am a woman that is constantly evolving into a better version of myself everyday. So, the cost for me to be a woman can not be counted in a dollar amount. I hope you too will see that your self worth is more than what society says you should be or do to be a woman. Be you and be kind to yourself if you don't fit the "mold."
Be Kind.
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