Why I Cry...

*I thought long and hard on if I wanted to write about the election results from last week. I have not posted anything since Wednesday regarding the election and have tried my best to not engage in any conversations about this election results. I finally decided that I needed to get my thoughts out and not have them all in my head. (I am not looking for a discussion/debate about the election...these are my thoughts and I just want to say what has been weighing on my heart for the past few days.)

I am a biracial woman. My parent's marriage would have been illegal if the Supreme Court had not stepped in to say that it is unconstitutional to prohibit persons from marriage based on the race. I have a black sister, with two biological children and three adopted white children. I have a Japanese-American sister who has two sons that are half black and Japanese. I am married to a white man. I cover my hair. I LOOK white.

When I woke up at 2am and learned of the results, I cried. I didn't cry just for myself. I cried for my sisters and my nieces and nephews. I cried for my parents. I cried for my former students. I cried for everyone that did not fit into this "NEW AMERICA." Now, I have read from so many people that people that are so upset about the outcome of the election are being dramatic and just need to get over it, I say this to you...what is your experience with discrimination, physical altercations based on your race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, have you ever been followed in a store by an employee; do you want me to keep going? Has anyone ever come up to you and told you to go back to the jungle or the desert? Seriously, what are your experiences? I cried for all these reasons. I am sitting here fighting tears now, just thinking about it. Since the election, incidents of racism and even physical altercations against persons that do not fit this "NEW AMERICA" mold have been shown all over the media. Protests have popped up across the country in response to the results, and all the President Elect has done is tweet out that "it's the media's fault." Why is this man NOT taking responsibility for the last eighteen months of the words that fell from his lips?

Protesting, incidents of racism: and you, the President Elect have said nothing to dampen out the fire, that you ignited the moment you started your campaign. You claim that you did not say these things, or tell people to do these things...I beg of you to look back at every single appearance you did in the last 18 months. Listen to the words you said and the applause you received for making fun of a man with a disability, the words you spoke about grabbing women, the marginalizing words you spoke about just about every group of people except white people...and then tell me that you had nothing to do with what is going on right now.  Your words were just the catalyst needed for people, that have felt this way for some time, to do what they have apparently wanted to for a long time. You not coming out and saying to your 'supporters' to not gloat, and act with violence; only shows the Americans that are our protesting and in awe of the results, that you may not be what will "Make America Great Again." You pushing it off on the media is what you have been doing your entire campaign, take responsibility for your words, you said them, they are becoming this country's reality. I cry for that.

I cover my hair, as do many women from many religions, but many women cover for health reasons as well as for mere fashion. I contemplated on the morning after the election if I should cover to my substitute job. My husband was concerned for me. I got up and wrapped with purpose that day and the next and will continue to do so. I will not let the election of one person stop me from being who I am and do something that I feel compelled to do. This is a part of who I am. My covering is an extension of me and I will not let anyone strip that away from me. IF you think I am Muslim, fine. I am not offended by that. I stand proudly with my sisters who wear the Hijab or any woman that chooses to cover for any reason. I dare someone to reach for my cover...I am a small woman, but you invade my space we have an issue. If I see anyone covered (male or female) again for any reason, being harassed, I learned a nice tip from a little meme; step in and start a random conversation with the person. Smile and let them know you are there for them. I cry for the fact that I and other women that cover had to contemplate whether to cover the day after the election.

I had a fifth grader and third grader ask me this week if they were going to be sent back to China. It took everything in me not to loose my shit...I held it together and simply said, "I am hopeful that they were just words." Then the third grader said to me, "But, words are very powerful." Again, trying not to cry. How is it that children see this and yet adults do not see or hear these things?  I was explaining this conversation to another teacher, and I wanted to punch her when she said, "Oh, THEY hear that from their parents, and if they want to leave, don't let the door hit them." I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone! I looked at her and said, "She is a child, and she heard it from TRUMP as did I." and continued writing my notes. I don't care what your political views are at this moment, but when small child is concerned about being sent away from their home, you should show compassion, not  blatant  contempt for their worries.  I cry for that child that fears having to leave their home.

There are so many events in American history that make it hard to be a history teacher and teach without my own personal views invading my lessons. So many events in this countries history, that I am not proud of as an American. I am glad that they have passed, but I cry knowing that this election and the events that follow will end up in a history book one day. I will have to teach about this election and keep my shit together. I will have to teach about this election and not present me personal views to my students. I cry because this election is part of American history for the wrong reason.

Am I proud to be an American? Yes. I am proud that I was born in a country that allows me to voice my opinion in a open forum like this. I am proud that I can say what I feel about a political servant and not fear jail time. Am I proud of what America looks like right now? NO. I am ashamed for people to read about how this country is reacting to an election. An election is supposed to be a simple transition of power; it has been that way in this country for decades. This election has changed that and will forever leave it's mark on the world's mind and unfortunately it will impact how they will want to deal with us in the future. Will I call this man President? No. He has not earned the right or the honor of this title. Yes, he won the election, but that is not enough. He has not shown any sign of being capable of bringing together the people that 'support' him and the people that are against him. He has not mentioned it once. His campaign doesn't seem to be bothered by it either. His character does not match that of past presidents, and yes, he will be compared to past presidents. I would even go as far to say he is not even on the level of BUSH...and that is a lot for me to say. I was not a fan of the Bush Presidency, but his character was not completely appalling to warrant me to never want to discuss him or even call him President. I cry for the fact that I can not call this man my President, that I am not proud of this country and how it has reacted to the election and that the divide in this country is seemingly getting larger.

I cry because the hope I have for the country seems to be out of reach at the moment. I cry because it is hard to explain to people why I am so distort over the election. I cry because I am afraid for myself, family and friends who don't fit in this "NEW AMERICA," that has shown itself in the last 72 hours or more.

I cry for a country divided.

Be Kind.