Redos

There have been several days over the last few weeks that I wish I could just redo. As in rewind and start from the beginning, before the meltdown. If i could start from the moment just before the meltdown, I would be able to pin point why the meltdown is about to happen and prevent it from happening. So, I declare that as a person that suffers from anxiety/panic and depression disorder, I am ALLOWED to have redos. I am allowed to say "wait a moment, give me a second to think things over and let me collect myself, so that my meltdown isn't as catastrophic as it could be." Heck even if you don't suffer from anything, if you need to redo the moment, do it! Its not just about saying you were wrong in how you reacted to something, its about letting yourself know that its ok to have these moments and its ok to take the time to reflect on why this is happening. I really can't stand it when people tell me to relax and just get over it. Really? If it were that easy, I wouldn't need a pill box the size of a dvd player. Those words are probably the most annoying things to hear when you deal with this on a daily basis. Its not something you can just "get over and ignore." It is a  daily struggle to have a good day, and dammit if I am having a bad day and declare a redo of a moment in that day you better believe I am going to redo it! The way you feel when you mentally are just tired and can't think straight is probably the hardest thing to explain to people that have never dealt with this kind of thing before. Your brain is so overloaded that you can't think straight and its hard to keep your emotions from bubbling over. Its like you are on fire and there is no one around to put the fire out.  I hope that I will not have to redo a lot next week, the next day or even the next few hours. But again, if I have to take that moment to redo the moment, I will and do that moment over with more forethought and patience for myself and the entire situation.

Be kind today.