I have anxiety, I am introverted when around people and in situations I am not comfortable with and I really wish people would stop saying these few things to me. (Or anyone who suffers from anxiety/panic attacks.)
1. "It's all in your head." -Well, yes it is all in our head, but you will never understand what it like to want to do something but your brain is yelling "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" You will never understand that you just can't switch it off like a light switch... it doesn't work like that. It is in our head, but our heads are complicated and wired differently.
2. "Just work through it/push through it".- Yes, in a perfect world that would be great and if that were that easy, NO ONE WOULD HAVE ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS. Sometimes even after exhausting all the techniques your therapist has taught you, it is still not possible to just get through it and push on. Your brain is still telling you to "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" there is nothing you can do.
3."You are letting this win."- Yeah I might be letting it win, because once again, unless you have had a severe anxiety/panic attack you have no idea what the person is going through. Its like having a 2 ton elephant sitting on your chest and you can't breath, let alone think straight. Sometimes, again even after doing all the relaxation techniques, the anxiety and panic wins. For some it wins more than others. I have been fortunate that my anxiety hasn't won too much in the last few months, but today it did. It won, and my brain and body are beat up over it. I don't want to feel like I hit a brick wall and can't break through, but today I did and that is that.
4. "Relax and breath." This by far is something that no one having an anxiety/panic attack ever wants to hear come out of the mouth of anyone. If I could relax, I wouldn't be having the attack. If I could regulate my breathing, don't you think I would? Don't tell someone to relax when they obviously are in distress and are not feeling well, that only makes it worse. When I am in the middle of an attack this is by far the worse thing someone can tell me do.
It's all about being able to trick your mind into doing what you ultimately don't want to do. Sometimes you are able to do it without even thinking about it, and then other days there is nothing you can do. I would say that for most people that suffer from this, it is a constant, day to day battle. If you have never experienced it before it's easy for you to say all four of the things above and try to put yourself in the person's shoes. Trust me you don't want to be in my shoes when I am having an attack! I don't want to be in my own shoes to be honest. How do you convey the feeling of an attack: well let me try...IT SUCKS, IT IS EXHAUSTING, IT HURTS YOUR BRAIN, IT HURTS YOUR BODY, IT JUST HURTS. You are constantly questioning your actions to see if what you are feeling is rational, and for me, I know that what I am feeling isn't rational. So you might be wondering, if I know what is causing the anxiety and panic is not rational-Why then am I having an attack? Well, if I was able to answer that question, again I would probably have made vast advancements in mental health. So to sum it all up...just be patient with the person and know that they will work through it in their own way and eventually they will figure out for themselves what works and what doesn't. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy- so just be understanding and please take these phrases from your stock set of things to say. They don't help, they only compound the issue and make the person feel even worse. It makes them feel like less of a person because they can't stop feeling they way they do faster to make the situation better for not only themselves, but you as well. ( I tend to worry more if I see that my loved ones are concerned for me while I am having an attack. It just makes it worse.) Let me work through it and I promise that it will pass-just in my own time.
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