Father

My father is not one to show much emotion. This is probably where I get my ability to navigate life with very little emotion on a regular basis. But he has over the years learned to say 'I love you' every time I see him or talk to him on the phone.
My father is a man of few words. What he says in ten words speaks volumes compared to what many say in a thousand words.
My father can be the most comical when he isn't even trying. He will crack a joke in the most intense situations and laughter can lift the spirits of our family like no other.
My father has a soft spot for furry, four-legged mamminals. Sometimes I think he likes being around them more than people- I totally get it though!!
My father gave me my love of learning. We play a intellectual game of tennis, hitting random facts back and forth at each other. He is one of the many reasons I am still in school getting my Doctorate, "School is your job, if you don't have one."
My father gave me my sarcasm. I learned from the best. I don't think I would know how to function if I didn't have sarcasm in my life. So, in a way, I don't know how I would function without my father in my life. He has always been there for me, when I needed him. He has given me so many things beyond 23 chromosomes. He cracks me up, he frustrates me, we drive each other crazy, because we are so much alike. I can not thank him enough for all that he has done for me, and continues to do for me (yes, even as a 35 year old). to the man that has more shoes than me, is the most dapper of dressers, and a man of international man of mystery, (still has not verified or denied if he worked for the CIA,) I wish him the happiest Father's Day.

Am I over it, YET?

Hate:intense or passionate dislike.
Indifference: lack of interest, concern, or sympathy.

I am going to use the two words in this blog post. I feel that one is worse than the other. I feel that one carries much greater power than the other. Please read to understand my point of view. Thank you.

I keep seeing posts on social media saying, "get over it already, you lost..." Ok, I am over the election. Don't you get it? 

IT'S not about being a winner or loser in an election. IT'S not about being a republican or a democrat, it goes much deeper than that.

I am over the election. I have moved on from that whole shit show. It is YOUR president and YOU that haven't seemed to move on just yet. YOUR president keeps bringing up voter fraud and emails that don't amount to anything. So, who hasn't really gotten over it yet?

YOUR president keeps speaking of making this country great again. So far, all I have seen and heard from him is what he is willing to do to "Make America White, Again."  

Do you know the words inscribed on Ellis Island? Do they mean anything to you? Do you know the difference between an immigrant and a refugee? Take a step back, and just know that this is not ANYONE'S ORIGINAL HOME. We all started off as strangers to this land, so don't be so quick to turn away those that seek refuge where you and I call home.

Hate or Indifference...which is worse? Is it easier to know someone hates you and what you stand for? Hate is definable. Hate is targeted. Hate is learned. To say you HATE someone is direct to that person and or persons, there is no grey area.  

What scares me is indifference. You just don't care one way or the other. You don't care if this country bans a certain group of people from entering, it doesn't affect you. You don't care if fundamental rights are being stripped away from women, children, the poor...it doesn't affect you. You had no interest in marching on January 21st, 2017, because for you as a woman, you feel you were not going to lose any rights and other women just need to stop whining. It didn't affect you. It didn't affect anyone you know. 

I am happy that you have never felt that your rights have been violated. I am happy that you have never been made to feel lesser than you are. I am happy that you have never had to fear for your children's safety, because of the color of their skin. I am happy that you as a woman have never had a man sexually assault you, only to have a judge say, "BOYS will be BOYS." I am happy that you have never had to worry about how you were going to pay for your prescriptions this month, along with making the rent  and also have food on the table. I am happy that you have not lost a friend to a hate crime becuase they were LGBTQ. I am happy that you have never had your head scarf ripped off your head. I am happy that you never had your loyalty to this country questioned. I am happy that you are able to afford to send your children to the best schools without having to take out federal loans. I am happy that you have never had to walk into Planned Parenthood with your young daughter and ask about abortions and birth control. 

Your indifference to these issues because they do not affect you is the problem. You may not HATE anyone or anything, but your lack of concern that these are things that people deal with on a daily basis IS the problem. YOUR INDIFFERENCE MAKES YOU THE PROBLEM. 

Back to the original question...Am I over it YET?  I am over the election yes. He won, in the eyes of our election process. Am I over IT...that is a loaded question. IT has only started. IT will not stop till justice is won for the good of ALL people in the country. IT is a battle that I am not going to stop fighting until I do not have to explain to my nieces why they are paid less than any boy for doing the exact same job. IT is not a fight I will give up until I know that my reproductive rights are protected and my body, my choice is respected. It is not going to go away, till my nephew, BILs, uncles, cousins and all men of color do not have to worry about being shot in the streets.  It is always going to be something that I am passionate about, because all children deserve the RIGHT to a glorious education, no matter their zip code. IT is always something I demand, respect for my LGBTQ friends and family. IT is not going to stop me from covering my head with a scarf, and scare others who choose to do so either-the choice is ours and ours alone. IT is about being able to be proud of this country and  know that we ARE better than this. 

IT is only week THREE..so we still have time. Till then, keep marching, keep speaking out, keep loving, keep smiling and please do not stop caring!!

Be Kind.

Alright...

Alright, maybe doing this post everyday was a bigger challenge than I thought it would be. Notice the gap? So, with being said, I denounce the challenge.  I will go back to just posting when I will the need to. No pressure, which actually increases my anxiety...so in hindsight I was headed for a crash with this challenge.  Now to my actual post.

I have tried to keep my mouth shut about what is happening with the state of our government, but it is hard when you are seeing so many people's lives being personally touched by what they are doing. They say they want to put in place something that is better that the Affordable Care Act, but they don't know what that is. They are sneaky and go behind everyone and basically dismantle a system that has helped so many millions of people get health care, regardless of their existing conditions. This Act allowed me to get insurance and continue my therapy. This Act helps so many people and its as if they don't even seem to care what they have done. They don't seem to recall that our tax dollars give them the great healthcare, they don't worry about paying a monthly premium, they don't worrying about paying a co-pay or out-of-pocket expenses; because WE are paying for it!

It is disgusting how this country has allowed this man, and I use that term loosely, to get this far. I pray everyday that something good has to come of this...something good has to come of this.



Aright, so you say that we matter. You say that you care about the service my parents gave to this country and you want to make sure they are taken care of.

Alright, you said all these things when you stood on tv. Things that were hurtful, things that were mean. Did you think that we weren't listening? Did you think my nieces and nephews are blind to what they had seen?

Alright...so you want to "Make Us Great, Again." I thought we were moving forward, with a Black man at the helm. Race relations aren't perfect, but then again they haven't been since one man was sold at auction to another man. You talk about bringing people together, but in reality, all you have done is tear us further and further apart on this once great nation that I held so, so close to my heart. This country of ours isn't perfect, but no one is expecting it to be. You say you want to "Make Us Great, Again", but you have no clue what that means, because in your golden tower, you don't see that for the last eight years we have all been doing just GREAT with a respectable MAN.

Be Kind

Let's Play a Game

Day One

Let's play a game
You know the one where you try to guess what I am.
The one game, where you try to figure out what my ancestry is and why my ethnicity matters so much to you.

Let's play a game
The one where you try to identify why kinky, curly hair, full lips, eyes the color of the blue, blue ocean, a long, lean, straight nose and olive/yellow skin make up the woman I am.

Let's play a game
The game, where looking at me with a confused look on your face and tilt to your head will help you figure out what color my father is and what color my mother must be for me to be the color I am standing before you.

Let's play a game
A game where my mother's carmel skin and slave heiratage matters more to you than the degrees I have hanging on my wall. You know that game, the one where you discredit my ability based on that "one drop rule."

Let's play a game
Oh, I like this game. The game where you try to figure out why I look "lilly white," speak "so well," am "so educated" but yet I still don't seem to fit the mold of white America.

Let's play a game
The one where I start to cover my hair, as to not be an object of desire; like my great, great, great grandmother was to her slave owner, I now get questioned on my faith.
The game where you wonder how a "white" woman would cover her hair. Does my lovely scarf make the game harder? Now you have to figure out if I am Muslim too! Damn! Is it getting too scary for you?

Let's play a game
The game where you figure out that my skin color, my hair being covered, my eyes being blue, my mother being black, my father being white, have NOTHING to do with YOU.
That is a game I am will and ready to play, how about you?

Be kinder today than yesterday.

Why I Cry...

*I thought long and hard on if I wanted to write about the election results from last week. I have not posted anything since Wednesday regarding the election and have tried my best to not engage in any conversations about this election results. I finally decided that I needed to get my thoughts out and not have them all in my head. (I am not looking for a discussion/debate about the election...these are my thoughts and I just want to say what has been weighing on my heart for the past few days.)

I am a biracial woman. My parent's marriage would have been illegal if the Supreme Court had not stepped in to say that it is unconstitutional to prohibit persons from marriage based on the race. I have a black sister, with two biological children and three adopted white children. I have a Japanese-American sister who has two sons that are half black and Japanese. I am married to a white man. I cover my hair. I LOOK white.

When I woke up at 2am and learned of the results, I cried. I didn't cry just for myself. I cried for my sisters and my nieces and nephews. I cried for my parents. I cried for my former students. I cried for everyone that did not fit into this "NEW AMERICA." Now, I have read from so many people that people that are so upset about the outcome of the election are being dramatic and just need to get over it, I say this to you...what is your experience with discrimination, physical altercations based on your race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, have you ever been followed in a store by an employee; do you want me to keep going? Has anyone ever come up to you and told you to go back to the jungle or the desert? Seriously, what are your experiences? I cried for all these reasons. I am sitting here fighting tears now, just thinking about it. Since the election, incidents of racism and even physical altercations against persons that do not fit this "NEW AMERICA" mold have been shown all over the media. Protests have popped up across the country in response to the results, and all the President Elect has done is tweet out that "it's the media's fault." Why is this man NOT taking responsibility for the last eighteen months of the words that fell from his lips?

Protesting, incidents of racism: and you, the President Elect have said nothing to dampen out the fire, that you ignited the moment you started your campaign. You claim that you did not say these things, or tell people to do these things...I beg of you to look back at every single appearance you did in the last 18 months. Listen to the words you said and the applause you received for making fun of a man with a disability, the words you spoke about grabbing women, the marginalizing words you spoke about just about every group of people except white people...and then tell me that you had nothing to do with what is going on right now.  Your words were just the catalyst needed for people, that have felt this way for some time, to do what they have apparently wanted to for a long time. You not coming out and saying to your 'supporters' to not gloat, and act with violence; only shows the Americans that are our protesting and in awe of the results, that you may not be what will "Make America Great Again." You pushing it off on the media is what you have been doing your entire campaign, take responsibility for your words, you said them, they are becoming this country's reality. I cry for that.

I cover my hair, as do many women from many religions, but many women cover for health reasons as well as for mere fashion. I contemplated on the morning after the election if I should cover to my substitute job. My husband was concerned for me. I got up and wrapped with purpose that day and the next and will continue to do so. I will not let the election of one person stop me from being who I am and do something that I feel compelled to do. This is a part of who I am. My covering is an extension of me and I will not let anyone strip that away from me. IF you think I am Muslim, fine. I am not offended by that. I stand proudly with my sisters who wear the Hijab or any woman that chooses to cover for any reason. I dare someone to reach for my cover...I am a small woman, but you invade my space we have an issue. If I see anyone covered (male or female) again for any reason, being harassed, I learned a nice tip from a little meme; step in and start a random conversation with the person. Smile and let them know you are there for them. I cry for the fact that I and other women that cover had to contemplate whether to cover the day after the election.

I had a fifth grader and third grader ask me this week if they were going to be sent back to China. It took everything in me not to loose my shit...I held it together and simply said, "I am hopeful that they were just words." Then the third grader said to me, "But, words are very powerful." Again, trying not to cry. How is it that children see this and yet adults do not see or hear these things?  I was explaining this conversation to another teacher, and I wanted to punch her when she said, "Oh, THEY hear that from their parents, and if they want to leave, don't let the door hit them." I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone! I looked at her and said, "She is a child, and she heard it from TRUMP as did I." and continued writing my notes. I don't care what your political views are at this moment, but when small child is concerned about being sent away from their home, you should show compassion, not  blatant  contempt for their worries.  I cry for that child that fears having to leave their home.

There are so many events in American history that make it hard to be a history teacher and teach without my own personal views invading my lessons. So many events in this countries history, that I am not proud of as an American. I am glad that they have passed, but I cry knowing that this election and the events that follow will end up in a history book one day. I will have to teach about this election and keep my shit together. I will have to teach about this election and not present me personal views to my students. I cry because this election is part of American history for the wrong reason.

Am I proud to be an American? Yes. I am proud that I was born in a country that allows me to voice my opinion in a open forum like this. I am proud that I can say what I feel about a political servant and not fear jail time. Am I proud of what America looks like right now? NO. I am ashamed for people to read about how this country is reacting to an election. An election is supposed to be a simple transition of power; it has been that way in this country for decades. This election has changed that and will forever leave it's mark on the world's mind and unfortunately it will impact how they will want to deal with us in the future. Will I call this man President? No. He has not earned the right or the honor of this title. Yes, he won the election, but that is not enough. He has not shown any sign of being capable of bringing together the people that 'support' him and the people that are against him. He has not mentioned it once. His campaign doesn't seem to be bothered by it either. His character does not match that of past presidents, and yes, he will be compared to past presidents. I would even go as far to say he is not even on the level of BUSH...and that is a lot for me to say. I was not a fan of the Bush Presidency, but his character was not completely appalling to warrant me to never want to discuss him or even call him President. I cry for the fact that I can not call this man my President, that I am not proud of this country and how it has reacted to the election and that the divide in this country is seemingly getting larger.

I cry because the hope I have for the country seems to be out of reach at the moment. I cry because it is hard to explain to people why I am so distort over the election. I cry because I am afraid for myself, family and friends who don't fit in this "NEW AMERICA," that has shown itself in the last 72 hours or more.

I cry for a country divided.

Be Kind.

I wore Blue

Today is Election Day. In honor of the Suffragette Movement many women that support our FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE will be wearing white in some form.  I was wearing a little white in the wrap that I chose to wear today when I cast my ballot; but the most prominent color I wore was BLUE.

I wore Blue

I wore Blue today for a family tree that is incomplete
I wore Blue for the color of the water that transported my ancestors from Africa to an land that was not their own
I wore Blue for the color of the sky that they saw when they looked up to, while standing on the platform waiting for the final price to be called out
Blue for the color of eyes the man who took what wasn't his from a strong woman in my family line
I wore blue for the color of ink that flowed from the pen that my great grandmother signed her name with
Blue for the color of eyes I share with my twin; thanks to that recessive gene from that slave owners force upon a woman my great great grandmother called mother
I wore Blue for the name Mamie, given to my mother, by her mother, who was named Mamie
I wore Blue for my grand-daddy who served this country but didn't have the right to vote
Blue for my mother's parents, for blue is pure and crisp like the air, the day my mother and I stood outside eight years ago and voted for the FIRST BLACK MAN become President
I wore Blue

Be Kind.

Awake

Aware of what goes on around you most of the time, but not really sure of where you belong

Wayward to the point of almost knowing where you will be at the end of the road

Always able to feel more than others and taking in more than you should

Knowing that you will wake up feeling just as exhausted as you did when you went to sleep

Eeverything weighs you down, as if you are on the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim

My reality, I'm still Awake.

Be kind.