Fixation

With me its not about just being able to turn my brain off and not think about things. It is more about walking away completely from a situation that I find frustrating. Last year I was forced to walk away from a situation that was itself frustrating, but I was willing to work through it. Typically when things frustrate me I fixate on them until I am able to mentally get over it. I have a tendency to think about all possible outcomes of things and not stop until it is completed. I am sure many people fixate on certain things in their life, but with me it might be a little different than just thinking about something for a few hours and it being done. I have spent an entire week focused on the fact that my computer isn't working. (Windows 10 is the devil-do not upgrade!) It has drained me of wanting to do anything other than fix the problem. I have spent hours thinking of things I can try to fix the problem. I haven't left the house all week-mainly because the part about fixating on this issue has crippled my mind. I can't get anything done because of it. I can't work on my lesson plans for my shop, I can't crochet, knit or even sew because I am stuck on this one thing. It has taken over my head and I can't get rid of it. I can't just walk away from it- it is in there and not going anywhere till the problem is fixed. Thank god for my husband, he finally just took the damn thing away from me and said " I will fix it." I still couldn't let it rest. This then becomes an issue of trust. Yes, I trust that he will fix the problem. Yes. I trust that he will fix the problem. See I had to say it twice to really make my mind believe it. I had to physically be removed from the situation in order to not fixate on it. Is this how my life is going to be? Possibly if I let it. Am I going to have to just train myself to walk away from things that frustrate me? Possibly. But here's the kicker, life frustrates me, people frustrate me...almost everything in this world frustrates me. So how do I deal with that? I am not sure yet. I am working on finding a way to just let things go, even though I just want to scream at the top of my lungs how much the situation, person or whatever FRUSTRATES me to no end. I am trying to find the balance between slightly irritated and benignly obliviously ignorant to the stupidity around me. The old saying "ignorance is bliss." this might play well for me. Maybe if I pretend that the people and things around me that I have absolutely no control over aren't there, then my bliss will come to me. I will not become ignorant to what is happening in the world, I will just choose to not let it frustrate me and fixate on it. I will walk away. I will choose to walk away and not be apart of the things that frustrate me. That will be a challenge because like I said above there isn't much that doesn't frustrate me.  (dogs, cats, certain and only a handful of people, school and that's about it)  So my fixation is merely a deep frustration of things I dislike- lack of control over the universe and how things stack up for me. I have control over myself and going to school. That is about it. I know I can control how I do in my classes, I know I have control of what I do or don't do during the day. But everything else- nope no control over any of it. Because of my week long fixation, I did notice that my anger level was about a 8.5 out of 10- I feel bad for the customer service guy that had to deal with me.  (sorry mediacom guy, you didn't really deserve the things I said to you- well ok you kind of did, but I could have said it in a nicer tone.)

Have a wonderful weekend.