I have been around several people that have totally changed my mind about how truly wonderful people can be towards others. They have opened their hearts to me without any questions asked. I have been knitting with several ladies and attending a small group for awhile (still having a hard time going to church- way too many people- but that is a work in progress). They have all been so warm and inviting that I can't help but wonder why would anyone be so generous to someone they barely know? I am amazed at the generosity of people that I have only known for a bit and how loving they are. For a person that suffers from depression and anxiety, it is wonderful to have people around you that are so inviting and open minded about getting to know who you are. They put you at ease and make it easy to be around them.
When I go knitting on Mondays its a time for me to sit and listen to the stories these ladies have to share about their lives. I don't talk much, but that is ok, they don't mind. Same for the small group. I am there to be around people that have something I can learn from. They offer advice and I sit and soak it all up. When my friend sent me a text message and it had a picture of the cake she made me, I teared up...she is one of the kindest people I know and I am happy that I have gotten to know her over time. After spending time with her and several other people I can finally say I have FRIENDS here and that warms my heart. I hope that I can learn to be as generous as they have been towards me.
Thank you and be kind today.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
I am...
I am...
1. A teacher. My mother is a tough lady and I get my teaching personality from her and I wouldn't want it any other way. (May not be in the classroom currently, but this is the vocation I was called to do and I love it!)
2. A partner in the best relationship ever. He has been there for the good and I didn't scare him away when it was bad...so he's a keeper.
3. A creative force to be reckoned with.
4. A twin, and the youngest of four girls. (my father got a lot of "wow, how do you deal with a house full of women?" when we were growing up.)
5. A student. Going back to school is what I have wanted for awhile and everything that happened to make it possible is a blessing in disguise.
6. A daughter to the best parents a girl could ask for. They have been with me through the ups and downs of my diagnosis and they have always just said to me, " I love you and want the best for you."
7. A friend. I have learned over the last few months that people are meant to be in your life for a reason. For those people that have disappeared there is a reason. As my mother says, "People come and go in your life for a season and a reason." I believe this to be true. I have gotten close to several wonderful women over the last few months.
8. A big kid at heart. (I will laugh at farts and burps like a 10 year old...can't help it.)
9. An advocate for mental illness. So many people suffer and don't feel they can tell their story, but they are not alone.
10. A descendant of great black women. Even though I might not look like it, I am trust me. I come from a line of women (Mamie Davis) that didn't put up with BS and my mother has taught us that we are strong and can do anything we put our mind to. IF anyone tries to stop me, I am naturally going to give them the evil eye and continue about my business.
11. A sarcastic siren. I have the best poker face and could sell poop to a man in a white suit. ( I get it from my father.)
12. A closeted Christmas shirt,sweater and sock hoarder. Well now you know.
13. A lover all 80's movies. They make me happy and that's all that needs to be said.
14. A person that has bad days but the good days are happening more and more.
15. A woman that is finally finding out who she is and loving every minute of it.
So who are you? What role(s) do you play in your life? Are you happy with all of them, or is there something you would like to change? Everyone is unique in their own right and I would rather have people around me that are different that cookie cutter molds of the same person. Be yourself, because it's beautiful!
Be kind today.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Words Hurt
Let me first throw out a disclaimer...I am speaking of no one in particular, just blanket statements based on what I have observed.
I read an article recently that stated that if more people had a positive view of mental illness then it could actually help the person's treatment. Once we lift the stigma of mental illness we can start to heal the wounds that people don't see. Yes, there are PHYSICAL wounds on mental illness, even though many people like to believe it just "in their heads", and why can't "they just move past it." Besides there being physical issues that come with having a mental illness, there are emotional ones as well. People like to through around the word "crazy" a lot. I am guilty of it myself. I have since come to realize that by using certain words to describe a person with mental illness can leave a lasting effect on the person's well being. I have seen this first hand and even dealt with it myself. People treat you differently once you tell them you have a mental illness. I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and panic disorder for the better part of my life. It wasn't until last year I was diagnosed with a slew of things that made me realize I am different and that is ok. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to handle things the way that others do. But I don't need people to constantly point things out to me. I know I am doing things in a different way, I know that I react to things differently, but that does not make me "crazy." I am who I am and I am ok with that. I worked in an environment where people would call others "crazy" all the time. (Again, guilty.) Today, I wish I would have stepped up and said that is not funny, but truly offensive. If calling someone a C*** or B&^&* or even using the N-word, then calling a person with any type of mental illness crazy should be seen just as offensive and insensitive.
I have had to step back from many people who have treated me like a leper because of my diagnosis, but have also learned that people will love me for me and accept that I have limits to what I am able to do. It's not easy telling people what you suffer from, but if they are truly meant to be in your life then, they will be there after you lay it all out on the table. Once the stigma is lifted I feel that people that do suffer from mental illness will not be ashamed of who they are and be willing to share more with the people around them. We are wired differently and that is just fine. No two people are the same and we need to remember that. Words are just as powerful as a blade, some don't realize that they hurt just as much.
Be kind today.
I read an article recently that stated that if more people had a positive view of mental illness then it could actually help the person's treatment. Once we lift the stigma of mental illness we can start to heal the wounds that people don't see. Yes, there are PHYSICAL wounds on mental illness, even though many people like to believe it just "in their heads", and why can't "they just move past it." Besides there being physical issues that come with having a mental illness, there are emotional ones as well. People like to through around the word "crazy" a lot. I am guilty of it myself. I have since come to realize that by using certain words to describe a person with mental illness can leave a lasting effect on the person's well being. I have seen this first hand and even dealt with it myself. People treat you differently once you tell them you have a mental illness. I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and panic disorder for the better part of my life. It wasn't until last year I was diagnosed with a slew of things that made me realize I am different and that is ok. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to handle things the way that others do. But I don't need people to constantly point things out to me. I know I am doing things in a different way, I know that I react to things differently, but that does not make me "crazy." I am who I am and I am ok with that. I worked in an environment where people would call others "crazy" all the time. (Again, guilty.) Today, I wish I would have stepped up and said that is not funny, but truly offensive. If calling someone a C*** or B&^&* or even using the N-word, then calling a person with any type of mental illness crazy should be seen just as offensive and insensitive.
I have had to step back from many people who have treated me like a leper because of my diagnosis, but have also learned that people will love me for me and accept that I have limits to what I am able to do. It's not easy telling people what you suffer from, but if they are truly meant to be in your life then, they will be there after you lay it all out on the table. Once the stigma is lifted I feel that people that do suffer from mental illness will not be ashamed of who they are and be willing to share more with the people around them. We are wired differently and that is just fine. No two people are the same and we need to remember that. Words are just as powerful as a blade, some don't realize that they hurt just as much.
Be kind today.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Failure to Launch
In the last few years I have noticed that our society is not willing to tell people when they truly SUCK at something. I saw this first hand teaching, tv reality shows and really all over. We teach our young ones that everyone can be a STAR, WINNER or the PRESIDENT. No sorry to burst your bubble but this is not true. I am not saying don't go after your dreams but at some point there needs to be a time in your life when you know that you are not going to be the next LeBron or Steve Jobs. Either someone needs to tell you or you just realize it on your own. Having big dreams are great, but make they achievable. You will fail in your life at things and that is perfectly ok. I don't see failure as a bad thing, it allows us to change things and come back better than before. That is the problem with society, we don't want our children to know about failure, even though it is apart of being human. My sisters and friends all have small children and they have at one point will or have played in some type of little league sports. THEY DON'T KEEP SCORE!!!! What? Sorry but there ARE winners and losers in everything we do as human beings. You know the parents are keeping score, so why shouldn't we introduce the children to reality early on?
Failure is not a bad thing, and as a teacher I know that it is a motivator. In the classroom, if a student fails a test, it tells them that they need to actually listen to me when I am talking and work a little harder. It's not my fault Billy or Suzie failed the test, they did that all on their own, so they need to work a little harder next time to do better. I can only give them the information I can't take the test for them. Parents get so upset if their child doesn't do well in a class... hello maybe your child isn't as smart or doesn't apply themselves as much as you think. Stop coddling them and let them taste failure first hand. Don't go to administration and whine about the teacher. Stop blaming everyone else for your failure to make your child work hard, and your child's failure to work hard. (end rant on the educational system and parents)
In this world there are people that will become the next big star, the doctor the lawyer, teacher, police officer, bus driver and even President. None of these are any better than the next. I don't care what you do in the world as long as you are a good person and add to society. So, all you trash persons, plumbers, and bartenders...I THANK YOU, as much as I thank the POTUS. (president of the united states) Some people know from an early age what they want to do with their life, and that is wonderful. Sometimes you end up in a place you never thought you would be, but you make the best of it. Remember its not about what you do, but whether or not you feel good about what you are doing. If you enjoy what you do- no matter what it is- then you are a WINNER. Just because you failed at one thing, doesn't mean you will fail at something else, but we have to let failure happen. JUST LET IT HAPPEN!!! Its a part of life, don't take it away or shield your children from it. (As a non-parent, I would say teach your children about failure at a young age, so you don't end up seeing them on TV thinking they are the next Mirah Carey.)
Be kind and remember failure is not a bad thing.
Failure is not a bad thing, and as a teacher I know that it is a motivator. In the classroom, if a student fails a test, it tells them that they need to actually listen to me when I am talking and work a little harder. It's not my fault Billy or Suzie failed the test, they did that all on their own, so they need to work a little harder next time to do better. I can only give them the information I can't take the test for them. Parents get so upset if their child doesn't do well in a class... hello maybe your child isn't as smart or doesn't apply themselves as much as you think. Stop coddling them and let them taste failure first hand. Don't go to administration and whine about the teacher. Stop blaming everyone else for your failure to make your child work hard, and your child's failure to work hard. (end rant on the educational system and parents)
In this world there are people that will become the next big star, the doctor the lawyer, teacher, police officer, bus driver and even President. None of these are any better than the next. I don't care what you do in the world as long as you are a good person and add to society. So, all you trash persons, plumbers, and bartenders...I THANK YOU, as much as I thank the POTUS. (president of the united states) Some people know from an early age what they want to do with their life, and that is wonderful. Sometimes you end up in a place you never thought you would be, but you make the best of it. Remember its not about what you do, but whether or not you feel good about what you are doing. If you enjoy what you do- no matter what it is- then you are a WINNER. Just because you failed at one thing, doesn't mean you will fail at something else, but we have to let failure happen. JUST LET IT HAPPEN!!! Its a part of life, don't take it away or shield your children from it. (As a non-parent, I would say teach your children about failure at a young age, so you don't end up seeing them on TV thinking they are the next Mirah Carey.)
Be kind and remember failure is not a bad thing.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Wooden Nickels
My mother sent me a text yesterday warning me about wooden nickels and how I shouldn't pick them up. At first I thought to myself...ok did she get into the blueberry wine again! So I asked for clarification and here is what I got: Watch out for FAKE-NESS. I started to think about this a little more and said to myself, I have purged my life of everything and anything that is fake. So then I continued to ask questions and of course my mother had a dream. Now if you know my mother and her dreams they often come true and you should adhere to her wisdom wholeheartedly. So, what is fake in my life...well to start out my health is fake. I have lived in a lala land of believing that I am 100% for far too long. I realized yesterday and over the weekend that I have been picking up wooden nickels for a long time and there was no bank that was willing to cash them in. So in other words, momma was right in telling me this yesterday and I know that change is coming for the better and all I have to do is avoid any more of those oh so appealing wooden nickels.
Be kind.
Be kind.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Sick and Tired
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to wake up one morning and not have a feeling that I could stay in bed all day everyday. I don't want to have to push myself to be productive, I want to be able to take what people are saying and actually hear the words they are saying. I don't want to continually put a negative spin on everything that is offered in front of me. I just want to live my life without complication and the motivation to actually live life. At this point the motivation is waning...its to the point that last week and this weekend was the first time I thought about just running away from everything. That everything in my life is just too much to handle and there seems to be no way of making any of it better. I know that isn't true of course, but really when will it get better. Yes, things have improved greatly and the reason I haven't written in a few weeks is because I was feeling so down on myself that I literally had nothing to say, but in fact yesterday I found I had more than I thought. I am physically and emotionally tired and sick of feeling this way. Is this the way its going to be my entire life? Will I ever get better to the point that I actually enjoy everything I did before I was hit with this enormous blow to the head? I just know that after this weekend I am tired of being sick and tired and I know I just have to push myself even harder, harder than most people, to be happy and healthy. It stinks but its the way it is, one day I hope that I can say that the harder I pushed the better I got.
Be kind.
Be kind.
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