Sick and Tired

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to wake up one morning and not have a feeling that I could stay in bed all day everyday. I don't want to have to push myself to be productive, I want to be able to take what people are saying and actually hear the words they are saying. I don't want to continually put a negative spin on everything that is offered in front of me. I just want to live my life without complication and the motivation to actually live life. At this point the motivation is waning...its to the point that last week and this weekend was the first time I thought about just running away from everything. That everything in my life is just too much to handle and there seems to be no way of making any of it better. I know that isn't true of course, but really when will it get better. Yes, things have improved greatly and the reason I haven't written in a few weeks is because I was feeling so down on myself that I literally had nothing to say, but in fact yesterday I found I had more than I thought. I am physically and emotionally tired and sick of feeling this way. Is this the way its going to be  my entire life? Will I ever get better to the point that I actually enjoy everything I did before I was hit with this enormous blow to the head? I just know that after this weekend I am tired of being sick and tired and I know I just have to push myself even harder, harder than most people, to be happy and healthy. It stinks but its the way it is, one day I hope that I can say that the harder I pushed the better I got.

Be kind.