I am the woman who does not try to explain what it is like to be black, because all you see in me is the "white girl" staring back.
It is hard to explain what is it like to be me, when you see one thing and I say I am something completely opposite to what you see. I most certainly identify as a biracial woman. When I was little and had to fill in the bubbles on race for state tests, I thought it isn't fair that all my friends get to fill in a bubble with a color next to it, and I get OTHER. Yeah, even at a young age I knew that I was different from others. Just look at my family...my mother is black, father white, sister black, sister japanese, and a twin sister. Starting to get the picture? We were told as little girls that we were biracial- or mixed. (Which by the way that word makes me cringe...I am not a swirl box cake where you mix the white cake with the chocolate cake. I am a person people.) Alright, sorry about that, had to make that point... I am biracial, heck I am multiracial, just thinking about all the places my ancestors come from, but far beyond all of that I am a black woman. Now, back in the day, it was the one drop rule... one drop of black in you and you were, you guessed it BLACK. Today you would think that a rule like that wouldn't even come into play, or would it?
When I say my mother is black, the look of people's faces contorts, I mean they really are hurting their brain trying to figure out how that is even possible. Yes, folks even in our socially "progressive" world we live in, no wait...we are having a lot of issues with race relations. Let me backtrack, we are not progressive when it comes to race. Now, some people would like to live in their own little happy world and think that we are, but it's just not so. Unicorns do not exist and we still can't talk about race in this country without people getting upset or getting their feeling hurt.
Now, I have said this before, any conversation about race is not going to be fun. A person of any minority is not going to remain calm during these discussions, and then they will be called the "Angry...so and so." Well, when you have lived with being treated as less all your life, it is hard to not be upset and speak with passion about how you feel unwelcome in a country that you were born in and your ancestors helped to build. Now, getting your feelings hurt as a white person in a discussion on race, because you feel that you are being portrayed as racist or you have certain stereotypes about persons of color, get over it. NO ONE is here to make you feel better about not being a racists. That is great if you aren't, good for you, but you don't get a medal. If you are looking for validation in a conversation on why there are so many issues dealing with race relations in this country, you are part of the problem. You do not get rewarded for not being a racist. You do get respect when you choose to stand up to racism that is happening at the restaurant you are having lunch at. You get respect when you call out a blatantly racist act and make people accountable for their actions. That is what you get.
So, when I say I am not going to try to explain that I am black, it's simple, I am not going to. I am who I am because I know who I am. I do not need to explain my 'blackness" to you and help you try to understand that part of me. Besides, you wouldn't even know to ask me, since all you see is a white girl staring back.
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