Extremely Hard

It is hard for someone like myself to see the good that is in the world, when a lot of the time my mind is set to negative mode. It's not that I think there isn't good out there, its just that the wiring in my brain are a little mixed up and confused about what is really going on. I have been trying for the last two years to get my mind in order to where I can function at my level of "normal." Now I use that word loosely because there is no such thing as normal, but I use it to describe my world without anxiety, panic and depression. I use it to describe getting through a day with more good feelings than bad ones. I use it to describe how I can truly find joy in the things that I loved before the wires got mixed up. My "normal" is not your normal and that is fine. My "normal" is just that, me being me and accepting that I am a work in progress. It is extremely hard to have my "normal" everyday, but I am working as hard as I can to have my "normal" more often than not. I wish that people would try to understand that I am not going to be roses and clowns...that is not me. I am sarcastic, intense and overall a dark person, but a dark person that wants to feel happy most of the time. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and being the debbie downer I feel that I can be sometimes. That is the thing with mental illness, you sometimes don't realize how much of a downer you really are, but if you do realize it, it only makes you want to work harder to change that about you. My "normal" is extremely hard to achieve, but I don't give up. I have been working on it for awhile and am getting closer to having more "normal" days.

Be kind